Interview with Me

I'm currently in the second week of CrossFitting as if my life depended on it, and I don't know how to write about that yet. I can say that I'm having a lot of fun, testing my recovery ability, and that I overestimate by 50 to 100% what 100 grams of anything is. Yes, I'm zoning my Paleo diet.

In time I'll write about how my box jumps are better than I thought, my double unders aren't hopeless, and 100 grams probably isn't enough for my cats. For now I asked an anonymous TFCF member [ATFCFM] to interview me.

ATFCFM: Where are you from?

I'm from Burlington, Iowa, formerly the backhoe capital of the world. It might still be the backhoe capital of the world, but last I knew the huge Case plant there was still laying people off. I grew up about two miles from the Mississippi river, and I still sometimes laugh when Coloradans talk about rivers. There are no rivers in Colorado.

ATFCFM: Tell me about your childhood.

Well, like virtually everyone, I'd describe my childhood as normal. I have an older brother and sister, and we were good and proper Midwesterners, mostly. Of the three siblings, I was the idiot who slammed a pint of whiskey when I was 14 or 15 and projectile vomited all over the house. My mom was a great screamer, and she laid into me viciously when I had the first and worst hangover of my life. I think it was six or seven years before I had a thimble full of any alcohol after that.

My father's side of the family had some fantastic longevity, so I remember being four or five years old and going to visit these ancient German aunts and uncles. I suppose they were maybe seventy years old or something which to me seemed like 120. Dad would coach us on European etiquette, and we'd go to these relatives' houses and sit entirely still and quiet on hard wooden chairs. Then I thought that was normal; now I think that's why it sometimes takes me six months or a year to really talk to people. This German idea of psychological distance has never been foreign to me.


ATFCFM: Did you play any sports growing up?

I'm from Iowa. Something is wrong with you if you come from Iowa and don't at least try wrestling. I tried it, found out I had zero talent and quit. That was probably a huge mistake as I realize now I love the primacy of combat sports. With good referees it's almost impossible to get killed, but that is the sublimated object of the game, and it has an intensity that nothing else comes close to.

Until my ankles fell apart I played football. I wasn't at all natural at that, but over time I learned to play. I got shuffled around to various positions, probably because the coaches would try to hide me. I did best at inside linebacker where I still was far from great. I never had sex with any cheerleaders, but I would make my best attempt to kill anyone coming up the middle. That still informs my sporting career years later. I've learned that being the best I can be is rewarding enough.


ATFCFM: How did you get into power lifting?

I always feel like I'm going to die in 18 months or a year. The problem seven or so years ago was that I thought I'd die from a heart attack or obesity which to me was unacceptable, and I thought I had better start exercising. I remembered from football that I liked lifting heavy. We'd do all the usual insane things that young guys get away with like bench in ascending pyramids three times a week. I'm probably lucky I didn't tear a pec at 16. So years later I thought the way to exercise would be to get back in the gym. Over two or three years I was at most of the commercial gyms in Longmont. I'd only find these bodybuilding guys who to me were just weird. They'd talk about about how you had to do ten sets of ten benching to exhaust all the muscle fibers and get huge. I doubt if I ever said anything, but my thinking was always, "look, I'm ugly anyway. I want to see exactly how much weight I can do once without ending up in the hospital." You can see that I still take the suicidal approach to lifting. I listen to my body, and it tells me it wants to blow out all its ATP in three seconds, not get a good pump and stare in the mirror. So anyway I kept doing my thing with the chalk and the dead lifts and the stares from the people who never got it. I learned a lot on my own, and eventually I found a few others who were into lifting heavy. They pretty well talked me into doing a meet, but Brazilian jiu-jitsu intervened. Something like two years ago I had to work overnight and I ran out of energy for jiu-jitsu and CrossFit. I was down to heavy lifting and a few Prowler pushes, and I thought I might as well enter a meet. As I learned from football, I'd never be ready or good enough, so it was time to start. It's not a perfect sport either, but I have some raw goals in mind that I don't share with anybody, and I'll keep lifting until I hit those goals or prove to myself beyond any doubt that they're too ambitious. And that, by the way, probably would require a trip to the emergency room.


ATFCFM: What do you get from CrossFit?

Well until this nine week experiment, I've always done CrossFit to support whatever it is I'm really doing. It used to be conditioning for BJJ, and then it turned into staying mobile and reasonably lean while power lifting. CrossFit has worked perfectly for what I wanted. It still blows my mind that people do CrossFit as their primary sport. Even now while CrossFitting as if my life depended on it, I'd have no qualms about backing down if the squat were to suffer. I mean if you can't squat heavy, you're essentially dead anyway, right?

Beyond what it does physically, it's probably not too strong to say that I love most of the people I've met. You want someone to do an erg race with you? The CrossFit guy you haven't seen for a year will say yes. You want someone to try sculling with you? The CrossFit woman you've known for a few weeks will say yes. I think TFCF is one of the most laid back affiliates in the world, and even so if you're bleeding and sweating after a metcon and you want someone to squat 315 for max reps with you, some nut job will say yes, probably me.

Finally and maybe most importantly I like the way CrossFit makes people spontaneously start being awesome. If you put effort into CrossFit, good things happen. I'm already thinking about how I can get to the Masters National Rowing Championships in a year or two. I can be stopped by inadequate funding or by breaking my back squatting, but I won't be stopped because there's something good on TV that weekend. Think about this. Where but CrossFit do you see some guy with no real background just decide to see if he can become a national rowing champion? And I'm nothing special. In CrossFit you see people starting with less than me doing more than I do. That's pretty fucking awesome.

ATFCFM: James, you are truly awesome.

Thank you for allowing me to make this last one up. You're okay too, CrossFitter.