10/26 2:45 am - Wake up unhappy again. I've had terminal insomnia since late last spring or early summer. Usually if it's before 3 am, I will try to go back to sleep, but 2:45 is close enough.
2:46 - Notice the clock flashing and conclude that power has been out. Take care of bodily functions and slam a cold coffee.
2:50 - Sit down at the chess board with "the Final Countdown," a cogent introduction to the theory of conjugate squares in King and Pawn endgames. I'm not sure if I'll ever play a serious game of tournament chess again, but I still get a considerable aesthetic effect from studying chess. I'm a geek, but the complexity of apparently simple reduced material endgames can be devastating in its beauty.
4:00 - Hit the wall staring at oddly shaped plastic figures on 32 green and 32 cream squares. Decide it's time to play on the Internet. I'm not sure exactly what sites I was on, but probabal candidates were EliteFTS, T-Nation, Derby City CrossFit, CrossFit Balboa, CrossFit main site, and I'm sure I had my Internet Chess Club client open in the background playing a game of 1 minute chess between each article I read.
4:20 - No change.
4:30 - Breakfast - one fist full of hamburger, and I'll bet you as much as you want this is between 140 and 160 grams, and two eggs scrambled and doused in hot sauce.
4:55 - I realize I'm probably going to be shovelling snow, so I head out to TwinFreaks CrossFit.
5:00 - Assess conditions at TFCF. I decide the snow will probably melt quickly and my claim that I shovelled snow will be irrefutable.
5:35 - Strip down to shorts and do a hand stand push-up outside in the snow.
5:40 - Assess the small but motivated 5:30 am class and decide they don't need me to babysit them during the WOD. Lament that I stopped cheating on the programming; this is supposed to be a rest day for me, but how can I justify missing a mercifully short WOD of pull-ups and hand stand push ups? Fuck it, I'm in.
6:30 - Teach the awesome October On-Ramp class.
7:40 - Realize nobody is coming to the 7:30 class. Consider shooting myself but decide instead to pay some bills so that we can stay open for the people who do come. Realize again that my love for the people who show up outweighs my disdain for the people who don't.
8:00 - Go home and find out that the power is out again. Without the ability to cook anything, I decide to drink four eggs. If you die from salmonella, you're supposed to be dead.
8:30 - Go to bed. This is a tough one. I try to avoid sleeping during the day because it's associated with continued horrid insomnia, but I actually have an afternoon of work to do at work, and it's going to be living Hell without a nap.
Before 9, I think - Flanked by my two warm cats I go to sleep.
11ish - Wake up and find power is still out. With no ability to cook, I drink a can of coconut milk. Drink more coffee. This again is tough because excessive or late caffeine consumption is associated with continued insomnia, but my choice here is to be either hyper or a vegetable at work.
12pm-5pm - Go to work and actually work.
5:15 - Somehow I know that I still won't have power at work. Inform Dave B. that if I don't have power I'm texting him inviting myself to his house.
5:30 - Go home where I find I do not have power. With no ability to cook, I drink four eggs. They're semi-refrigerated so I decide there is no salmonella risk above background. I begin to wonder if it will drop below freezing during the night. I get this brilliant idea that the easy way to clean my toilet would be to let it freeze and then use a corkscrew to remove and discard the ice plug - no brushing, no harsh chemicals - completely Paleo.
6:00 - Roll up at Dave's. One of the few good things about me is that I'm extremely conscious of imposing on people, so I inform Dave that I am not imposing but rather I've arrived to give him a Paleo cooking lesson. Dave does some foraging in various refrigerators and cupboards and we find: hamburger, eggs, yams, canned pumpkin, coconut oil, cinnamon, and some fucking excellent habanero sauce - essentially everything anyone could ever want.
6:20-7:00 - I make yamburger v1, and dessert v3. This is all available in the JamesD Big Fucking Book of Cooking which exists entirely in my head. I make enough for 36 dieting women or 2.25 adult males. Dave is already fading and thinking about going to bed, so I eat about 60% of this stuff.
7:30 - Dave invites me to sleep on the couch, and I get another invite to sleep on a futon. The futon is tempting because it probably comes with a dog. I haven't slept with a dog in years but I really like it. They're big enough to be warm yet unlike Humans they're not big enough to displace me during the night. I also receive a suggestion that I should sleep in the Ice Rink at Roosevelt Park. Two fantastic offers and one entirely Paleo suggestion, but I decide to assess the conditions at home.
7:45 - Return to dark and cold home. Take a shower in the dark. Put on indispensable hoodie and awesome flannel pants thing that someone gave me for Christmas many years ago.
8ish - Get into dark and cold bed regretting deeply that at 5:30 I lacked the foresight to use the dim light to find my awesome wool blanket. In the dark it will be impossible to find it.
Later8ish - Conceive a nightmare scenario where the day-time nap and the late coffee leave me sleeping fitfully, waking up every hour and finding I have no power and thus can not take solace in studying K+P endgames or web surfing.
Lateryet8ish - Flanked by my two warm cats I fall asleep.
Sometime between lateryet8ish and 4:45am - I might wake up and feel like I want to vomit from either being too full and having an acidic stomach or perhaps salmonella, or I might dream the whole thing. I do dream that it's Thursday, I'm talking to Dave, and I ask him if he ate too much and vomited.
4:45am - I wake up and find I have no power, but I know it's 4:45 because I have my Paleo Blackberry. I take care of bodily functions, and without power to enable me to screw around, I decide I will be like Paleo man and go back to bed.
4:47ish-unbelievably after 6am - I fucking sleep!
Unbelievably after 6am - I get up feeling better than I have in my entire life, and I decide to augment this feeling with coffee.
7am - I stop by TFCF because I thought, correctly, that I had fucked up the blog and I wanted to fix it. I also decide I will annoy everyone there by proclaiming how great I feel.
8 am - I go to work. I'm unsure what I will do, but being there early will greatly enhance my reputation, and the common if erroneous assumption will be that I am doing terribly important stuff.
8-9 - I realize that my IQ is temporarily 218. This is much too good to last more than a few hours so I decide to update my blog..
No comments:
Post a Comment