the Danger Zone: One is also a Score

I'm not sure what, if anything, Twitter is for, but I have found a tweet of the day, week, month, probably year, and possibly eternity.  It was from Megan Kalmoe, 2008 Olympic sculler and 2012 Olympic hopeful, and it went like this:

"Yesterday's erg was tough. Been a long time since I've flown in to the Danger Zone. Still learning. Going to make today better."

I knew immediately that I liked it, and I continued to think about it a long time.  I have to admit I don't know what she was talking about, and I like it so much only because I know what I would have been talking about if it were my tweet.

I had been thinking about the Danger Zone [DZ] for years before Megan told me its rightful name.  It's still easiest for me to access the DZ by trying a maximal squat or erging an all out time trial.  Currently attempting to squat 400+ puts me in the DZ; I have to fully engage and give no thought to whether I rise from the hole or the spotters, one trusts, are quick enough to save me from being stapled to the platform.  The erg, if anything, is worse.  On a 500 meter piece I'm going to sit for upwards of 40 seconds not knowing if my heart will burst, my lungs will collapse, my legs will simply refuse to fire again, or if everything will just fade to black after a catastrophic systemic failure.  By extension, the 2,000 is worst of all.  I'll find the DZ as early as 800 meters in and stay there four minutes.

Note that the DZ is relative.  Matt Wenning might find the DZ squatting 1100, and while I'll race Megan at 500 meters, her Olympian stature leaves me unembarrassed to admit she'll need to finish the 2k a half-minute or more before me to find the DZ.

And while I live for the DZ, I don't live in the DZ.  I really should track this, but I estimate I go there no more than every six weeks or so.

I'm sure that if you go into the DZ and come out, you'll be transformed.  Like me, and unlike Megan and Matt, you'll come out not knowing that you're the best in the world, but rather that you're better than you were six weeks ago.  Your best, it turns out, is good enough.

The easiest way to get there is to compete, and that's why, yes, at some point - sooner than you would like - I'm going to push you into a competition.

Last Friday I did one knees-to-elbows to demonstrate for the on-ramp class at TwinFreaks CrossFit.  As I expected, I was rewarded with searing pain from my left shoulder down to my mid-back, and I knew I was correct in deciding to forgo this year's CrossFit Open.  My plan to maintain the bench press, push the squat and deadlift, and teach myself that erging fast is not impossible following the end of indoor rowing season  was impeccable.  I'm sure I can still do one pull-up, but I'm sure I don't want to.

So today when the guy I haven't seen for a year showed up, I told him he was going to do CrossFit Open workout 12-1, seven minutes of burpees.

And I knew that standing there watching him do it was inexcusably weak, so I signed myself up.

It's hard or impossible to watch someone from the outside and know when they're in the DZ.  Sometimes getting to the DZ is as easy as sitting in front of the computer Wednesday at 6pm local time betting that CrossFit HQ can't serve up an Open workout where it's impossible to score one.

One is also a score, and it's enough sometimes to find the power of the DZ.

Annotating a Training Plan

So far 2012 has been about reeling, free-falling, getting weak and fat, and using residual strength and conditioning to erg a couple 500's.  In a sick way I enjoy the 500's, and I thought it would keep people from noticing I've been doing nothing.  I don't know if I fooled anyone else, but in the end I couldn't fool myself.

I can forgive myself for being dejected even to the point of inactivity over the shoulder problems, but it's really past time to start doing whatever I can still do.  Apparently though I needed somebody to shove me.

A few days ago I got an e-mail from xxxx xxx informing me that I was her accountability partner, and that if she didn't do her proposed running, I was to make her jump rope for 20 minutes.

I thought that was a great idea, so I told her "sure," and by the way, you'll kindly force me to row a half marathon if I don't submit a training plan to you before Monday at 5:30 am.

What follows is a succinct, but good enough for my use, plan.  We haven't figured out punishments for me straying from the path yet, so for now it's just the plan with my comments appearing in braces.

Training plan targeting USAPL Masters Nationals May 4-6, 2012

{I wouldn't do shit at this point without a competition to focus on.  I looked around and found this and realized I'd be a moron to miss it.  I'll be lifting with the best in the US, and no matter how I perform, watching those other guys is going to keep me going for years.}

Performance Goals:

{ I'm not a fan of these, but I wanted at least something concrete.}

Compete at bodyweight of 182.6

( Entirely reasonable.  I have to stop being the Pillsbury Doughboy.}

Squat 400+

{ Under USAPL rules this is both ambitious and realistic.}

Deadlift 400+

{ This is entirely reasonable as long as that much weight can hang off my shoulder.  This one has to be fudgeable because if I start getting injury pain in training, 135 is also a fine deadlift.}

Bench 225 or more

{ This is the old "hold what you got" approach.  I seem to handle 225 fine.  It's hard to accept this after  benching 260 three months ago, but I have to quit blowing up chasing too much too soon.}

Behavioral Goals beginning Tuesday 2/28, approximately 9 weeks out.

{ These are the good ones.  I should be able to do all this stuff even if I can't handle the training loads I  would like to. 9 weeks isn't really arbitrary; 8 week cycles are good for me and I'll end up with a deload  week.}

Squat twice a week, Tuesdays and Sundays

{ I've been doing well on the twice a week cycle I've been using.  Do not fix what isn't broken.}

Deadlift and Bench Thursday

{ Pulling once a week is somewhere between enough and too much as long as you use the weight you  should be using.  It's possible to be more ambitious with the bench, but not in my current position.}

At least three WoDs per week, 10 minute cut-of

{ I have to stop being fat.  10 minutes or less will allow my to keep the intensity up.  People who insist on  doing long ass WoDs will have the opportunity to look at me and face the truth.}

No being stupid here. WoDs will be only exercises producing no shoulder pain.

{ This one is critical.  I haven't thought it out yet, but I suspect I'll be doing endless wall ball shots, box  jumps, kettlebell swings, and a few other movements.  This will not satisfy CrossFit ADHD, and I don't  care because I don't have CrossFot ADHD.}

Rowing is always acceptable as a WoD.

{ No Shit.  Still have to keep it under 10 minutes though.}

Minimum of one intense erging WoD per week, either one of the three, or as an extra fourth.

{ It's not all powerlifting.  I have to get ready for sculling, and the 2013 indoor rowing season is only 11  months away.}

Every day: all the shoulder prehab/rehab stuff I hate.

{ I'm not offering any bets on any of this.  If I did, this is easily where you should bet against me.  I hate  playing with the bands, but this is where I decide if I'll eventually bench 300+ or retire from lifting.}

Diet: Entirely Paleo approved beginning 2/28

{ I'll miss the free bagels and doughnuts on Tuesdays.  I'll also feel, look, and perform better.}

Calories will be set to 2730.

{ This is in another blog somewhere.  It's not too low and it allows a nice steady loss of fat. }

In the not improbably case of hunger on heavy lifting days, the calorie cap will be ignored as long as there is a downward trend in body fat.

{ This is in another blog somewhere.  I don't believe in being hungry although I can and will do that if I'm  not  making it to 182.6}

Absolutely no refusing to eat vegetables – no VLC.

{ I've learned that I'm not in that population that should be doing a very low carbohydrate diet.  I can and will go into ketosis if I have to, but I'm pretty sure I won't have to if I mostly follow the plan.}

That's it.  I'm ready to quit sucking now.

What Doesn't Kill you Makes you Weirder

My mustache has been giving me fits for a few months now.  I could almost eat, but I was finding food in my mustache with disturbing regularity.  Drinking, however, which I do even more than eating wasn't working.  A cascade of liquid - water, not so bad; coffee, worse; half and half or whipping cream, worst - would drain off my mustache onto my obligatory hoodie.

In frustration I thought to hack the growth off my face.

But, who would recognize me?  To each his own, yes, and to me it would be worse to stride across the Monaco Health Club floor once a year and have nobody recognize me as the guy with the lightning 500 meter row than to have half a pint of cream on my hoodie every day.

So I thought to simply trim the beast.

But where to start?  I looked in a mirror and could make no sense of what hair should remain, what should go, and even where some of it originated anyway.



When I had my shoulder MRI, the doctor suspected a torn labrum.  In order to make an accurate diagnosis, the radiologist shot some sort of dye into my shoulder capsule, so that imaging would show it either contained or leaking through the labrum.  The MRI turned out objectively good, which is for another blog, and it gave me a great idea.


This morning I had six scrambled eggs for breakfast, and I put on two or three times my usual amount of Louisiana Hot Sauce.

I went to the mirror and just cut off everything that was red.