It's fun to PR everything, but it's only possible if you're de-trained, and it can actually be a sign of progress when the PRs slow to a trickle. I was hoping but certainly not expecting a PR 2k time trial today, but I was unprepared to finish only a half-second faster than my slowest time from last year.
Something that bad can be a shock to my fragile psyche, and I've learned to mitigate the damage by realizing I am still alive and that I don't always suck at everything. As soon as possible I like to do a failure analysis. I'm beginning to think that I should recalibrate my damper setting. I'm almost completely certain that 7 was right last year, but evidence keeps mounting that I can and should row with a lower setting this year.
But the real problem, I think, was what I didn't eat yesterday and the day before. I've been insanely busy the last two days, and with limited time I've neglected those beautiful slow baking glycogen bombs, yams.
And thinking about eating reminded me of Jen Comas Keck's blog at EliteFTS which had a recipe for dirty cauli-rice. I thought this looked intriguing, but I was aware that I couldn't make it. Firstly there are way too many ingredients, and secondly, I don't understand soup stock.
I've seen soup stock, and from what I can gather it's a liquidized mess of shit that should have been thrown in the garbage. I believe this because the same people who pull a container of it out of the refrigerator to show me also ask me, "aren't you going to save that for soup stock?" whenever I have shit that needs to be thrown in the garbage.
While on the surface cooking looks impossible, I've learned that problems like this can usually be solved by rational analysis; look, soup stock is some kind of semi-liquid that's heavier than water and lighter than used motor oil. Yeah, coconut milk is also in that category. With that in mind I invented:
Awesome Indian Shit #1 aka "Yak Curry"
Ingredients:
curry powder
cauliflower
hamburger
coconut milk
1) Make your cauli-rice just like Jen says. I of course don't have a food processor, but improbably I have a cheese grater. I recommend using a cheese grater, and despite Jen's advice, don't be careful with your fingers. If you don't have the balls to play cheese grater roulette, you probably shouldn't be in the kitchen, and you should leave the cooking to your "little woman," tough guy.
2) As far as I can tell there are two kinds of canned coconut milk. Kind one contains some kind of chemical that probably gives you testicular cancer, and kind two contains guar gum which probably at worst give you hemorrhoids or something. But fuck health considerations. Kind two becomes solid at a higher temperature than kind one, and that's what we're after here.
3) Open the coconut milk. Get a fork and eat those 55 heavenly grams of fat occupying the top two-thirds of the can. The bottom one third is your soup stock. Pour that over the cauli-rice which should be in a skillet.
4) I forgot Jen's instructions. I heated this mixture until it was bubbling, then I covered it and turned the heat on low. I sprinkled some, but probably not enough, curry powder over it. This gave my kitchen a lovely aroma, which to be honest was not at all like this stuff tasted, so enjoy this part.
5) I think according to Jen this should simmer for 20 minutes. I played three games of Internet chess and decided it must be done.
6) Brown a 170 gram fistful of hamburger and put some curry over it. Use more curry than I did. I thought I used a lot, so once you get to a lot, maybe try half again as much.
7) (Optional) pretend that the hamburger is really lamb. I tried this, but I realized I could have simply bought lamb, so I decided instead to pretend that I was destitute and that I was cooking up the remains of the beloved family yak I had been forced to slaughter.
8) Put the yak [lamb, hamburger] over the rice and enjoy.
I thought this was actually pretty good if clearly not up to fake Indian American cuisine standards.
I could try tweaking the recipe, but I think next time I'll provide authenticity by just prefacing cooking with a couple Taj Mahal beers and putting up some posters of Himalayan mountainscapes.
Fuck yeah, I'll cater your shit.
No comments:
Post a Comment